She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
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