Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
stop calling my apartment porn island.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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