She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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