You just made me feel so damn special
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
