Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
