i just had sex bonerless
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Randomize
