The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Randomize
