so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
