this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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