what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
