He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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