Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Randomize
