I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
