imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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