I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Randomize
