I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
