So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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