: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
