It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
