I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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