when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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