She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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