arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
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