I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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