Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
