why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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