if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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