Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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