I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
