Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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