he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
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I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
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Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
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