Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
