Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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