Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
