Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
