Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
