Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
