i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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