Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize