yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
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