the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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