Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
