I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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