The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
