I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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