Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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