Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Randomize
