Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Randomize
