i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
