just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
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You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
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Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize