sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
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This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
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I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
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