i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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