Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
