And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
