im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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