brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
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