he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
