I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
