At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize
