he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
