The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize