I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
