Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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