I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
