Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
