My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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