So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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