Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
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