You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize