just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
