Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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