she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Randomize
