I wish i was in the wii world.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Randomize
