Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Randomize
