I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Randomize
