she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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