God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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