Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
