she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!