Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
