you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.