I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have poison ivy on my dick
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.