its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Randomize