Texts From Last Night

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  (631): View more from New York

  So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.

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  (631): So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that. http://tfl.nu/a0qi
  Replies (11) Good night (3674) Bad night (1168)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?

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  (802): Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation? http://tfl.nu/9fzj
  Replies (7) Good night (3274) Bad night (810)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting

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  (405): Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting http://tfl.nu/elrq
  Replies (9) Good night (3517) Bad night (922)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.

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  (541): I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR. http://tfl.nu/y3sk
  Replies (48) Good night (3415) Bad night (866)
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  (315): View more from New York

  You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.

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  (315): You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser. http://tfl.nu/232e
  Replies (24) Good night (1847) Bad night (8163)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.

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  (203): I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus. http://tfl.nu/scm8
  Replies (17) Good night (7709) Bad night (1242)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love

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  (732): she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love http://tfl.nu/knwu
  Replies (35) Good night (12585) Bad night (1304)
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  (806): View more from Texas

  All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"

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  (806): All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots" http://tfl.nu/28dj
  Replies (12) Good night (5550) Bad night (1300)
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  (319): View more from Iowa

  You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.

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  (319): You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while. http://tfl.nu/w0el
  Replies (6) Good night (2948) Bad night (1029)
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  (203): View more from Connecticut

  then he tried to convert me to islam

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  (203): then he tried to convert me to islam http://tfl.nu/h9gq
  Replies (23) Good night (1508) Bad night (5091)
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  (704): View more from North Carolina

  I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though

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  (704): I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though http://tfl.nu/2ftm
  Replies (2) Good night (918) Bad night (1228)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.

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  (+61): He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked. http://tfl.nu/a1rb
  Replies (2) Good night (876) Bad night (377)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"

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  (573): Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend" http://tfl.nu/taab
  Replies (3) Good night (508) Bad night (1288)
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  (858): View more from California

  But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.

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  (858): But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me. http://tfl.nu/68kv
  Replies (11) Good night (946) Bad night (419)
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.

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  (240): I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me. http://tfl.nu/xr2y
  Replies (1) Good night (396) Bad night (567)

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