my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
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why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
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SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities