I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
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Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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