Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Randomize
