I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
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