My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
