he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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